


Revelations of the Heart

by turianempress



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anger, Angst, Contemplation, F/M, Forgiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 00:51:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7992529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turianempress/pseuds/turianempress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I never loved you,” she retorted, her voice filled with scorn and disdain. She stared at him kneeling in the dank cell and watched his body wilt even further with those words.</p>
<p>Ellania Lavellan is torn by Blackwall's betrayal and the love she has for him. Can she still love him after all he's done?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revelations of the Heart

Ellania had no love for human politics and absurd values. Especially the Orlesians, she thought with a shudder. Most didn’t know how to just be. Be themselves, or be alone. She liked games and fun just as much as the next person, but Orlesians were a bit too excessive with their haughty laughs, ridiculous outfits, and fake conversations.

As the Inquisitor, Ellania had gotten a crash course in the various customs, sayings, beliefs, and most common ways of thinking among humans. And on the whole, most were ridiculous. Too demanding and too dependent on what others thought of you every second of your life.

She was an elf, raised in the wild with her Clan where they lived off the land, taking what was given to them and not complaining. Life was hard and it was difficult, her Keeper always told her while she was an apprentice. And life with humans in it, even more so.

Thinking of her past, and how simple a life she used to live, Ellania was reminded not only how much her life has changed, but how she had changed. With the pressure of being in command of hundreds of thousands of lives, the fate of the entire world left in her hands (her glowing, crackling hand no less), she was sterner on herself. But going from the status as a thieving, inferior knife-ear to a powerful, feared, and worshipped figurehead was a definite perspective changer. She was just a woman, who cried and made mistakes, felt guilty and selfish, and became angry for all the wrong reasons. She was seriously flawed. And then she was a wild spirit, who laughed loudly for such a quiet manner and petite build, and loved fiercely and studied magic passionately. She spoke with her heart, naivety be damned. She wasn’t well-versed in words and didn’t know her way around human conversations very well, but hey, she tried. Because if there was one then Ellania ever learned from her Clan Keeper, was that life was hard and life was difficult, but you keep living, trying, giving, and always loving.

So after attending Mornay’s execution in Val Royeaux and learning Blackwall’s whole identity was a lie and how he led a troop of soldiers to murder a General and his entire family, Ellania wanted to take some time to think through her own thoughts. That she was emotional, was certain. What emotions laid within, was to be determined.

Do I leave him to rot and be executed or do I get him out? Because like Cullen said, it all depends on my decision. One of the many tasks she was now responsible for as Inquisitor. Luckily, the Orlesian definition of “a quick proceeding” took over a week, waiting on lazy Orlesian judges to finally sign a single sheet of paper. Which gave her time to think. A bit.

Although she admitted she was a little biased, she felt logically justified in forgiving Blackwall for the murder of an Orlesian General and his family. That was what Orlesian nobility did to each other. The whole country’s upper-class citizens’ idea of fun was plotting murders.

Blackwall had been just another chance pawn in their Great Game. He had let himself get wrapped up in petty jealousies fueled by materialism. It’s easy to succumb to, and it happens often. Materialism itself isn’t bad, Ellania reminds herself, but it should be given in small doses. Like sipping a potent lyrium potion while casting a ritual. If you guzzle the potion down too quickly, your magic becomes too potent and will explode in your face.

But while she could easily forgive Blackwall for lying about his past, she was still hurt that he lied to her after so much time had passed filled with so much love and laughter, moments of tenderness and honest intentions. Those moments had given her _happiness_. A happiness she had yearned for all her life. And then he left her.

She was confused, because his letter sounded odd and she was angry because she didn’t know why he had left, if it was her fault because somehow she felt that it was, and why, why, why, and how could he? Ellania had never felt despair quite as deeply as she did now. She barely ate and never slept. She was nearing the end of the war, in a few short months her forces would reach the Arbor Wilds and be ready to fight Corypheus’s army of evil warped minions. She had been eagerly anticipating the end of the war, when Blackwall had disappeared and left her in her current condition: a worshipped wreck waiting to explode.

So when she went down into the putrid smelling cells where they kept him imprisoned, she wasn’t in the greatest mood, or set of mind. She wanted to think rationally, like the Inquisitor she was supposed to be; her diplomatic, kind, yet stern, self.

But Blackwall’s anger and self-hate was strong no matter which way she turned the conversation and it stung with every word. She never heard him sound so angry and desperate. Desperate to die.

And so she stung back. _If you think you can just break my heart and die, you are very wrong,_ she had thought. So before she turned on her heel, she retorted, “I never loved you,” her voice filled with as much scorn and disdain she could muster. She stared at him kneeling in the dank cell and watched his body wilt even further with those words.

 Even as she was thinking how she couldn’t leave that as her goodbye, her body kept marching until she was up the stairs and through the door, charging right passed Cullen who caught her by the shoulder.

After hearing Cullen’s report and thoughts on Blackwall, Ellania began to calm down and grimaced internally. _Have I become this heartless?_

“How much time do we have?” she inquired.

“Given the nature of Orlesian proceedings, I’d say you have a fortnight at least, a month at most, if you plan on getting him out,” Cullen supplied.

“Thank you, Commander. Let’s get back to Skyhold immediately.”

And so now here she was in her quarters, curled up on her couch, mindlessly strumming the lute Leliana had placed by her desk one day, claiming it might help alleviate some pressure when she was feeling overwhelmed. Though her spymaster hardly spoke of her own past to Ellania, the Inquisitor thought it might have been Leliana’s way of sharing a piece of her time with the Hero of Ferelden and was quite flattered at the spymaster thoughtful gesture.

She was no musician, but she experimented with plucking the string individually, then strumming all at once, and then a few at a time. Some sequences flowed nicely in tune, others were abrupt and painful to the ear.

I am not going to let him die, she admitted to herself. She already knew that.

 For starters, the Orlesian noble who gave the order to Blackwall was technically the one responsible, and he was already dead. Although the lord was initially offering Rainier a large sum of money to complete the mission, Ellania suspected that had Rainier refused the offer, the noble would have killed him immediately for fear of his plot being discovered and the task would have gone to some other Orlesian Captain.

Second, she wasn’t going to lose one of her primary fighters with Corypheus still undefeated and threatening to tear the world apart. There would be no need for executions then. Ellania needed the best, and for good or ill, Blackwall had proven himself more than capable. From dispatching bandits, to heavy waves of demons, and Templar abominations, he could hold his ground.

Most of all, she didn’t think she could bear the world without him. For all she had changed, Ellania still firmly believed in love; that love made life worth living.

She sent messages to her advisors scheduling a meeting the next morning. There was work to be done.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This little piece is based of my first Inquisitor in DA:I. Blackwall was my very first romance in the game and the "Revelations" choices kill me every time. I wanted to explore the thought processes of my Inquisitor a bit more and give this quest more depth. I was going to carry this story further to the judgement of Blackwall as well, but wasn't sure how I wanted to manage that.  
> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments would make my day!


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